You get pictures mailed to you every birthday
They get shipped in for graduation ceremonies
Shipped back for the rest of year for day care, room and board
Round the clock internet access to your kids room
100 minutes of talk time per month/lectures and punishments are considered in network minutes and are free
Travel arrangements for marraiges are at 1/2 price
Free roundtrip ticket to your funeral.

Sorry gentlemen — the actual the act of creating a child is also outsourced…You will be provided with a sterilized cup which you will be required to mail to the prospective outsourced mother.